Today I turn 40. I don’t feel 40. Mentally I still feel young and vivacious but I do have my days where my body definitely feels like it is 40 years old. I remember turning 30 and how depressed I was on that day. Forty seemed so far away and that 10 years has just flown by. As I have approached the big 4-0 I’ve reflected on a lot of things that have happened and how much I have changed over the years. I am definitely not the person that I used to. You learn a whole lot in 40 years, even when you are twenty-something and think you know it all and are ready to take over the world, you get older and realize how naive you were. I’m sure many 20 year olds would tell me how full of shit I am right now but one day, they will learn that lesson, too. What happens when you turn 40? Well, nothing “happens”. You just turn a year older. You are half way to 80. You are double the age of a 20 year old and I’m sure they think God, 40 is so old!
A lot has happened in my 40 years, well even just in the last 20 or so years since becoming an adult. Things I never expected to happen. Things like:
- I travelled a lot. I never left the country but I saw many of the 50 states and made some amazing friends that I still keep in touch with today
- I have been to a shit ton of concerts and met a lot of bands (even my all time favorite band ever)
- I was on the Jenny Jones talk show (yep) on national TV
- I found love (or so I thought)
- I became a mother (real quick).
- For a few years, I was a DJ on a local radio show
- I went back to school at the age of 32 and got my degree
- I saw many family members leave this world
- Even a few of my classmates (4 or 5 are gone, I think)
- I have been through Hell and back
- A brutal divorce
- I became a single mother
- I realized that I am stronger than I ever thought I could be
- I think about death a lot and the fact that I am not going to be on this earth forever
- I watch my mother grow older and slower, knowing that she probably only has a few more years with us (hopefully longer)
One of the most difficult lessons I had to learn in my life is that I can’t trust everyone. I used to be the type of girl who saw the best in everyone and trusted them until they showed me differently. I’m the opposite now. I trust no one until they have proven themselves worthy of my trust. I’ve learned that not everyone has a caring heart like I do and people will look you dead in the eyes and lie to you, take advantage of you, and hurt you without even thinking twice. People are horrible selfish beings.I am hoping that I am raising my children (tweens/teen) to be good human beings and have a heart like their mother. The world truly is an ugly place and seems to get uglier every day.
What does the next 10 years hold for me? Hell if I know?! I am hoping it holds many good things for me and I’m hoping that I get to stick around for a long time to see my kids grow up and become parents, and for me to become a grandparent. Many of my friends are already grandparents but I am not ready for that yet.
I now understand why the older really are wiser. They have life experience and experiences that life gives you is unlike anything else. You can’t buy it, you can’t duplicate it, you just have to live it. Some people are luckier than others and unfortunately the world is not a fair place.
Over time, I have learned not to sweat the small stuff. Little things don’t matter. You see the world differently than you did when you were 20. I can’t quite explain it. You just learn to relax a little bit and not flip out over unimportant things. Well, not EVERYONE learns this but most do. Maybe 40 is the new 30.. Or maybe life is all downhill from here once you turn 40? I guess I will just have to live and learn for myself. Welcome 40.