Friday, March 31, 2017

My Story: Life With A Narcopath Part IV

DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER UNLESS YOU HAVE BEEN HERE FROM THE BEGINNING! YOU CAN START HERE.....



One thing I noticed about Robert was that he took advantage of his mother a lot. He was always begging her for money with promises that he would pay it back with his ‘next check’ or ‘next week’. First she would tell him no but he would keep pushing and pushing her about it until she finally caved and would give him the money making him swear that he would pay it back.


He did that to a lot of people, including me. He would try to talk me into something that he wanted to do or buy and if I didn’t agree with it or didn’t want to do it, he would keep bugging me about it or tell me stories about how wonderful and great it would be until I would eventually give in and let him have his way. This bothered me. I am not the type of person to take advantage of others and to be honest, it got really aggravating when he did that. I knew that he did it to other people as well. He would come home with things that people gave him or money that someone “gave him”, like yeah they just said, “here ya go” and gave him stuff. I knew that it was only the half truth and the he probably kept bugging them about it over and over again until they caved.


I have a best friend whom I have been best friends with since we were 12 years old. Robert’s behavior caused us not to talk to one another on 2 occasions for months at a time because he would try to talk them into doing a favor for him and when they didn’t want to, he would bug them about it over and over again. They would get angry and then I would defend him because he was my husband. It got really ugly at times with my best friend but deep down I knew that it was all Robert’s fault because we never fought like this before.
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How to Be Happy (Or at Least Less Sad): A Creative Workbook
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Robert and I frequented online chat rooms under a shared name. We were not looking for anything sexual, just trying to find some new friends in the area to hang out with. We both began chatting with a female who seemed pretty cool at the time. We normally chatted with her when we were together but once in awhile we would chat separately. I didn’t think anything of it until I began noticing that whenever I would come into the room, Robert would shut the chat down (this was before smartphones, and we shared a desktop computer).


I decided to be nosey one day, which really wasn’t like me. I logged into our account and read through the message archives. Robert was confiding in her that he didn’t know if he loved me any more, and she was coming onto him calling him sexy and telling him how good she would treat him if he was her man. I quickly jumped online and told her to back off and not to message him again. I couldn’t really be too mad at Robert about it because he didn’t say anything flirtatious back to her.

It was around this time that I began noticing that Robert was acting differently towards me. He was normally very loving and affectionate with me, and all of the sudden he was ignoring me and not showing me any type of affection. I didn’t know what was going on but thought maybe he was just stressed about our money problems.


A few days later, I asked him if this same girl had messaged him. He said no… but I knew he was lying. I could tell just by the way he said it that he was lying. So I waited for him to leave again and logged into our account. I found chat conversations between the two of  them, after I had told her to leave him alone where they were talking about meeting up and he was telling her how sexy she was. When I logged into our account, a missed message popped up from a name I had never heard of. It said, “miss you xoxo”. I used her email to track her down on myspace. I sent her a message, told her who I was and asked her to please tell me what was going on with her and my husband. I got no response.


This is when things spiraled out of control. I confronted Robert about the messages. He said he had no idea who this other girl was who sent those messages. He always had good excuses for everything. For instance, he would tell me that someone must have broken into our account and was trying to set him up for something. I wanted to believe him, but deep in my heart, I knew he was full of shit. His favorite line was, “believe what you want” when he knew that I wasn’t falling for his bullshit stories.


Things got worse between us. I asked him why he was acting differently towards me and he said it was all my imagination and everything was fine. He was so cold towards me, as if I didn’t even matter to him any more. Even though we lived together, he would always be off doing his own thing and would never spend any time with me. The fighting got worse, I was constantly on edge because of how he was acting and knowing that he had been talking to other females. Had he cheated on me? Was he going to leave me for someone else?


One night he finally broke down and told me that he didn’t know if he was in love with me any more. He said he still loved me but didn’t think he was in love with me any longer. He made the decision to move in with one of his friends that he worked with in another town about 20 minutes away and his friend’s wife.


I begged and begged him not to leave. I cried my heart out every single night. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat. I ended up losing 25 lbs without even trying. I begged him to come back once he left, thinking that he would miss us after a while and come back. Whenever I would attempt to talk to him about things he would flip things around and try to put the blame on me. I was too moody or I was too jealous. He made me feel like the biggest failure and the worst wife in the entire world and I hated myself for ruining our marriage.


The kids were not in school yet, so we did shared parenting where he had them one week and I had them one week. I hated it when the kids were with him. I never knew what he was doing or who he was with. He was so mean to me while we were separated. He would call me up screaming and yelling at me about the smallest things such as him not getting all of the kids’ clothing back that he sent. He was just so cold towards me, that’s the only way I can describe it.


I didn't know what happened to the man who cried on our wedding day and swore that I was the only woman he ever wanted to be with. The one who stayed with me in the hospital when our babies were born and took care of me after 2 c-sections. How could he just turn it off like that?


While we were separated there were times that we would begin talking and hanging out and things would be good, then just all of the sudden he would start an argument and we would end up being right back where we were. He wouldn’t talk to me, he wouldn’t want anything to do with me. The kids were too young to understand what was going on and I was glad that it was hopefully something that they wouldn’t remember.


Our wedding anniversary approached. I was very depressed and sad thinking about how we always celebrated our anniversary every year. That morning, I sent him a text message telling him “happy anniversary”, not knowing if he would reply back. He didn’t say anything back for awhile but eventually he sent me a text back asking if he could come over later to talk.


I was so excited when I got that text. It’s our anniversary, he is probably feeling bad about everything and wants to apologize and work things out. He has just been confused and he wouldn’t really destroy our whole marriage like this.


He came over that evening when he got off of work. I was making dinner when he walked in. That’s when he said it.


“I’ve made a decision. I am not in love with you any more and I’m moving into my own place”.


My world was crashing all around me. We argued for a few minutes until he stormed off and left, flying out of the driveway. I remember just falling to the floor on my knees crying not knowing what to do with myself.......


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