Thursday, January 26, 2017

Online Dating: Lower Your Expectations

I don't know how many commercials I see or hear on a daily basis for online dating apps that give you this false expectation of what dating online is really like. They tell you how they can find you the perfect match and then they show happy couples hugging and kissing, living the fairy tale happily ever after.

The fact is, online dating doesn't work that way unless you just happen to be the one in a million lucky person who does find their perfect match almost immediately. This was kind of what I was expecting when I first joined a dating app. I expected to make a profile, chit chat with a few guys and then before I know it, my knight in shining armor will be knocking at my door (or at least my inbox). 

I don't know about you but I went into the online dating world with a picture and a list in my head of what I considered to be my "perfect" man. My list consisted of this (in no particular order):

  • taller than me
  • lots of tattoos
  • a car
  • loves the same kind of music as I do
  • crazy sense of humor like me
  • caring
  • affectionate
  • good job
  • his own place
  • respectful
and the list could go on. I went into online dating expecting to find this imaginary perfect guy in my mind who would make me fall head over heels in love with him within minutes! 

That didn't happen.

I spent a lot, LOT of time sifting through hundreds of messages. I would get the perverts asking for nude photos or sending me pics of the teeny peeny (yes, I said it!), which I don't even want to see, only wanting to chat about sex and hooking up. I came across the assholes who took it upon themselves to just send me rude and childish messages because they had nothing else to do. I also spent many hours talking to time wasters. Time wasters are the ones who get your hopes up and then smack you in the face with them because they either ghost or tell you that they are actually not single.

I quickly learned to lower my expectations. Finding Mr. Right is not going to happen in a rush. I'm going to have to sift through a lot of losers to find a good one. It could take months, it could take years. I even dated a few of these losers and it didn't turn out well. I learned not to settle with someone I won't be happy with just for the sake of not being alone. 

I also learned that Mr. Perfect isn't really out there, or at least he's not how I pictured him in my head. When it comes to swiping left or right or matching with someone, I learned to not judge so much by appearance but to give a gentleman a chance. There isn't going to be one person that will fulfill every single thing on my list up there however, with that being said, I also had to set some limits, such as if a guy doesn't have a job or can't take care of himself, that throws a huge red flag. 

Lower Your Expectations but Set Limits


You don't have to talk to everyone who messages you. I mean, really, you would spend all day long doing that. Just learn to expand your horizons a little bit but be sure to keep the losers at bay. You may miss out on Prince Charming by having too high of standards.

Finding Mr. Right for you takes time. Don't rush things just to get out of being single and don't lose hope if it doesn't happen to you immediately. Give yourself time and sift through the losers so that you give the right man lots of room to get through.

Unfortunately, online dating apps make it easy for people to say anything they want to impress someone. This makes it more difficult to find the right match and find your Prince Charming. If something doesn't seem right or something seems 'off' to you, then it probably is. Follow your head and not your heart because your head is typically a little more intelligent!

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