Thursday, September 21, 2017

7 Red Flags of A Toxic Relationship

Dating someone new can be so exciting. You get the feeling of butterflies flying around in your belly every time you are around this person. You feel all fired up whenever you see this person and when you say goodbye you know you are going to lose your mind until you see that person again. Eventually, that feeling wears off and it can go a few different ways. One way is that the initial excitement wears off and you begin to feel completely comfortable around this person, breaking down barriers and you simply enjoy spending time with this person and want to be with him and no one else. Or, things begin to fall apart, arguments ensue, and suddenly you don’t enjoy being around this person any more and it may eventually turn into an abusive relationship if it is not ended quickly.

An abusive relationship is more than just being hit by your partner. It can be emotional abuse where your partner calls you names, belittles you, manipulates you, lies to you, and tries to control you. Of course, we don’t always see the red flags of abusive relationships right away. He or she may come off initially as being very charming, funny, and witty. They may appear to be too good to be true, and sometimes they are just that.

When we are young and naive, we may not pick up on these red flags as easily as those of us who have experienced the worst. You may be like I once was which is trusting everyone until they prove that they can’t be trusted. Now that I’m older I’ve learned that a lot of people are evil and selfish and not to trust anyone until they have proven that they are worthy of my trust. This goes for both friendships and relationships but I’m focusing on relationships right now.

You need to learn these red flags of an abusive relationship. Remember them. These are important to your future well being.

Red Flags of An Abusive Relationship

  • He seems overly charming. They seem almost too perfect. They compliment you non-stop to the point that it can get annoying or makes you uncomfortable. Showering you with large gifts from the very beginning is a huge warning sign.
  • They want to rush the relationship. If by your second date, he is talking about getting married or what your future family is going to look like, run. Normal people don’t move that quickly. You may get sucked in because they are so amazingly charming and seem so perfect but don’t let them cloud your judgement. No good relationship is rushed this way.
  • He snaps at you easily. It probably won’t happen on the first date because he will be too busy laying on the charm but you may notice that he snaps back at you quickly about something you have said or done that you thought was minor. That’s a sign that he has a short temper and eventually his short temper is going to get out of control either physically or mentally or both.
  • He talks nasty to other people. You notice he talks very rudely to the waiter at a restaurant or to his mother when she phones him. If he doesn’t have basic manners and respect for other people, he won’t have it for you, either.
  • Bragging and high self confidence. There is nothing wrong with someone being confident in who they are but if he goes overboard with it, you may want to end things now. Do you catch him bragging a lot about how he is the best at this or he knows everything there is to know about that? He may also brag about how he met various celebrities or that he grew up with this famous actor. That is going to get old real quick. If you fall for his initial charm, you may drowned in his bragging and look at him with your dreamy little eyes thinking that you caught the best catch when in reality, you caught a dud dude!
  • While talking about past relationships, you notice that he has had a lot of relationships, I mean A LOT. One right after the other without any time in between. And all of his exes are crazy psycho. Every single one. Typically it’s the other way around.
  • Excessive lying. You may notice little white or gray lies. You might observe the stories he tells always changing. He might say one thing today and then the opposite tomorrow or you hear him telling someone else the same story with a completely different ending. If you confront him about the change of story he will always twist things around in an attempt to get you to believe him without him looking like the bad guy. They are manipulators and will say anything to win you over or to keep you from seeing the error of his ways.

Abusive people are master manipulators and liars. They will say just about anything to win you over. They will pretend to be someone you want to love and be with. They will study you. They will study what you like, don’t like, and your insecurities so that they can use them against you eventually.

I know it’s difficult when you are so overwhelmed by this person and you think they are your “soul mate” because they win you over with their charm and you don’t want to acknowledge these red flags. You have to learn to think with your head and not your heart. If the person you are dating exhibits many or all of these red flags you should get out now.  

Don’t wait until he hits you or belittles you to get out. These are classic red flags of a dangerous abusive narcissist. The best thing that you can do for yourself is to get out now before you are in too deep. These people will attempt to manipulate you and talk you into doing things that you don’t want to do. They want to control you and you shouldn’t give that control away to anyone.

I’ve been through it and know that every single one of these red flags is true. I wish I had been told about these red flags of abuse before I wasted so many years with someone who never truly loved me; he only loved himself. He tore down my self esteem and my self worth and I wish I would have gotten out when everyone warned me to, but instead, I defended him and his behavior. He always knew exactly what to say to win me over and make me believe everything he said. These people are monsters in disguise.

It’s  scary being in the dating world in this day and age. It’s difficult to know when someone is truly interested in you or if they are just out to use you for their own selfish needs. Protect yourself by being aware of these abuse warning signs and trust your gut when you know something isn’t right or that someone is a little “off”.  Once you leave the relationship, you can not have any contact with them or they will attempt to manipulate and pull you back in. You have to stick to your guns and stay away no matter how difficult it may be. Don’t let them fool you into giving them another chance.

Tweet: 7 Red Flags of a Toxic Relationship: #domesticviolence #narcissists #abuse @tatteredsoul77
Have you dated someone with these red flags? Did you follow your gut instinct and get out quick or did you stay in for too long?


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Wednesday, September 13, 2017

Top 10 Online Dating Mistakes

Dating can be both intimidating and confusing at times. When it comes to online dating, the key is putting yourself out there to grab the attention of a possible mate. Unfortunately, you may also grab the attention of the wrong type of person as well but it’s typically pretty easy to block the catfish and trolls.

To be honest, there really is not one specific way of doing things that is going to guarantee you online dating success. We are all different, we all like different things, we are attracted to different people. What works for one person may not work for another person. When it comes to using dating apps, there are many mistakes that people make and don’t realize that they are lessening their chances of getting a good match or matches.

Top 10 Mistakes People Make on Dating Apps

  • No profile photo. I mean, it’s a dating app. Why would you not have a profile photo of yourself? A meme does not count! When other users see a profile without a photo, they think one of the following: A. You are married or in a serious relationship and hiding who you really are. Or B. You are extremely ugly and too embarrassed to post a real photo of yourself. I have heard the excuse that they don’t want co-workers seeing them on a dating app but the truth is if they see you on a dating app it’s because they are on it, too! Your photo is the first thing people look at. Without a photo in your dating profile, you are pretty much destroying your chances of finding good matches or anyone willing to talk to you.
  • Using photos of yourself with multiple people. This is one of my pet peeves. If your profile photo is a pic of you with 3 of your friends how is anyone supposed to know which one you are??? I always swipe left in this case. At least make your profile photo a pic of you and only you. The pic of you with your friends can be added to your profile later.
  • Not having a catchy title to your dating profile. “Pick me” is not going to get anyone’s attention.
  • Not filling out your profile. I hate it when I see the words, “I will fill this out later”. If you are putting in serious effort to date online then take a few minutes to fill it out properly!  You don’t have to write an essay! Just write down a few things that you like, don’t like, and what you are looking for.
  • Writing a book in your profile. It IS possible to go overboard in your profile. Writing 5 paragraphs going on and on and on about yourself is a bit irritating and will make most people lose interest real quick. Save something for an actual conversation.
  • Lie. Don’t lie in your profile. Don’t say in your profile that you have a high paying job, ride a Harley, and live in a mansion if you don’t. Eventually the truth will come out and no one likes a liar.
  • Don’t make the first move. I know it’s scary making the first move but what’s the worst that will happen? If they are a real dick they might say something rude back but that just shows you that you don’t need to waste your time with them anyway.
  • Don’t make the first message interesting. Attempting to start a conversation with a simple “hey” or “hi” is not going to win anyone over. You want to grab their interest and give them a reason to message you back.
  • Don’t make an effort to keep the conversation going. Another one of my pet peeves. I hate it when I am attempting to talk to someone but I am the only one doing the talking. I keep asking question after question with them only responding with short answers and not asking anything about me. If you are not interested, don’t waste my time, if you are interested then put some effort into it!
  • Let an opportunity slip away. If you are really diggin' someone, make a move before they get bored and move on to someone else. Ask them out on a date! That doesn’t mean ask them out within the first 5 messages but don’t wait forever, either. You may regret it.

A myriad of mistakes are made on online dating apps, however these are the most common mistakes that I have noticed a lot. If you are seriously looking to seek out a relationship then you have got to be willing to put some effort into it. It’s not just going to jump into your lap without you putting a little bit of work into it. The person on the other end may be just as apprehensive as you are but if one of you doesn’t make the first move nothing will ever change. Taking a chance and putting yourself out there is daunting but you never know what could be if you don’t try!
Tweet: Top 10 Online Dating Mistakes! #datingtips @tatteredsoul77

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Thursday, September 7, 2017

Pros and Cons of Using Anti-Depressants

The feeling of never being good enough. You look at the world and see everyone else around you succeeding at their career, succeeding at life but you are just not good enough; you’re not worthy of having that success of being content. You are constantly doubting yourself and you feel overwhelming sadness more than you feel contentment or happiness.  This short synopsis is what depression really feels like and today I am going to discuss the use of antidepressants and treating your depression with medication.

In one of my old posts, Depression: The Truth, I wrote about what it was like to live with severe depression and how it can affect your life. It’s more than just feeling blue after a bad break up; depression affects your entire life for most of your life.

Some people believe in treating depression with medications while others don’t want to medicate and prefer to suffer through the symptoms of depression on a regular basis.

I have been on Effexor for the last 7+ years. Wow, I didn’t realize it has been that long but I guess it has. It has just become a part of my life now.

Pros and Cons of Anti-depressants


  • Once you get the correct medication and dosage for your body, it can be life changing
  • I don’t hate my life every single day like I used to
  • I don’t have horrid mood swings like I used to
  • I don’t cry at the drop of a hat like I used to
  • Most days I enjoy my life and I can see the good in it again
  • I deal with most things calmly instead of breaking down into an anxious mess


  • It can take a lot of trial and error to find the medication that works with your brain chemistry
  • They have alot of side effects including: loss of libido, weight gain, dizziness, excess sweating, insomnia, changes in vision, rise in blood pressure, brain “zaps”
  • If you suddenly stop taking anti-depressants or forget to take them, side effects may worsen
  • Can be costly if you don’t have good insurance

I admit I don’t always remember to take my depression medication. I try to remember every day to take them because I know if I don’t there will be consequences. If I forget to take them for a couple of days I will notice a huge shift in my mood. I will become more moody and I will cry over every small thing (imagine P.M.S. crying X 1000).

I really don’t like having to depend on medication, and earlier this year I attempted to wean myself off of my anti-depressant. I thought that if I worked through the initial shift in my brain, maybe I could deal with my depression better. I’ve been through a lot over the last 4 years and realized how strong I really am which made me think I could overcome all of this depression shit.

Big Mistake.

My moods were out of control. I went from one extreme to the other and my kids even began commenting on how grumpy and snappy I had become. I was miserable and I was making everyone around me miserable with my mood swings so I had to go back to chemical treatments for depression. It was overwhelming. I was disappointed that I had to go back to the meds but I couldn’t deal with the craziness any longer.

Marijuana for Depression

I’ve researched and written many articles on the numerous benefits of Marijuana in treating a variety of illnesses. Depression is one of the many illnesses Marijuana can be effective in treating and it is a much safer alternative.

Before going on my depression medication, I turned to Marijuana for treating it. I am a big advocate for legalization of Marijuana for this reason.

I would have an anxiety induced panic attack, crying hysterically feeling like my life was worthless and I was the most pathetic human being on the face of the earth… until I smoked some weed. Marijuana was the only thing that could calm me down and bring me back down to reality. It would stop the mood swings, it made me calmer and happier.

It also helped me to be more patient, get better and deeper sleep, and just enjoy life more.

Unfortunately, right now, using Marijuana on a regular basis is not an option for me. I live in a state where it is still illegal, and it is not readily available. Plus my kids are older now and I have to be careful what I do around them.

It’s a shame that using Marijuana to treat depression isn’t an option for me. I’m not going to make this a pro-Marijuana post but if I could use weed regularly, I would go off of my meds in a second. It is definitely a much safer alternative. I wouldn’t have to deal with the shitty side effects of the antidepressants and the withdrawal symptoms if I miss a pill here and there. I wouldn’t be pumping my body full of addictive chemicals, either.

You don’t have to suffer with depression forever. Sometimes our brains lack certain chemicals that we need in order for us to function properly. Put your stubbornness aside and get help for dealing with depression. If you have a good doctor, medication and treatment can make a world of difference in your quality of life. Don’t suffer in silence for the rest of your life; be proactive and do something about it. Anti-depressants can improve your life significantly.
Tweet: Pros and Cons of Using Anti-Depressants #depression #mentalhealth #mentalillness @tatteredsoul77

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